Sonic Syndicate – We Rule the Night (Nuclear Blast/Riot)

We Rule the Night is so flawed it prompted a recall statement from the label. Read on…
Release Date: 
26 Aug 2010 - 11:30pm

Here’s what Nuclear Blast sent me* after they sent a copy of the record for review almost hours afterward. I think it’s rather apt and saves me writing up the article.

Product Recall

Nuclear Blast GmbH would like to issue a recall for all retail units of the following product:

Sonic SyndicateWe Rule the Night

Our engineers have informed us that the numerous defects present in this product render it unenjoyable and unlistenable. All copies must be sent back to Nuclear Blast for immediate destruction.

These are as follows:

  1. An overproduced, electronic sound that is present on each and every track that makes them sound like a broke-ass Machinae Supremacy;
  2. A distinct lack of natural drums that crosses the line beyond mechanical decency for a supposed heavy metal band;
  3. Soppy Nickelback style balladeering that fails to achieve admiration for ironic cheesiness and/or innovative compositional ability;
  4. The Pendulum inspired track Burn this City requires instant recall to avoid possible legal entanglements resulting from intellectual property theft (see also Revolution, Baby);
  5. Screamo vocalizations that can be hard on all tracks;
  6. The horrible not-quite-cover of “On a Night Like This” by Kylie Minogue, cannibalized of its melody and rhythm, replaced with saccharine lyrics and more shitty screamo vocals (c.f. Miles Apart);
  7. Macho “rock” posturing is merely a veneer that cracks under the slightest resumption of disbelief;
  8. Unacceptable repetition with standard deviations not approaching three parts per record;
  9. Downtuned, compressed guitar tone that muddies almost all riffs;
  10. Clean vocals that warble and do not hold pitch despite hardware and software augmentation;
  11. Insipid and juvenile lyrics that sound semi-incomprehensible;
  12. Plodding, bland and overly commercial compositions that should not be heard by metal fans, let alone anyone.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused.

Regards,

Nuclear Blast GmbH

*Editor's note: in case you are stupid and didn't get it, this isn't true. The review, however, is. Duh.

Sonic Syndicate's We Rule The Night is out on 26 August on Nuclear Blast/Riot.