Blood Red Throne, 'Smite' from Arterial Lust, 2005.... With A Plot Twist

"Let me start off by making this very clear, I hate metal..."

I don’t djent…

Let me start off by making this very clear, I hate metal. I’m a country guy. You know; big hats, jangly guitars, banjos and utes. I appreciate the whole Viking thing you guys have got going on and really what’s not to like about women clad in black leather? Unfortunately, it’s the music, not the scene. It doesn’t make sense to me, the lyrics are; to my ears, nonsensical and although undoubtedly talented in their musicianship, there’s just no movement in my undercarriage. So how did I end up penning this piece for Metal as Fuck? A copious amount of alcohol is the shortest answer.

I’m not really that hungry Nanna…  

My grandmother used to broil ox tongue for me as a child. I vividly remember staring at the boiling pink mass, festering slowly away in the pot as I dread the call to the table. How am I going to get out of eating this? I sit now at my desk, staring at my headphones and draw ox tongue parallels. Desponded, I pick up my headphones to face my musical bovine appendage. It’s a steaming plate of 'Smite' by Blood Red Throne.

She lied…

To quote the editor of this esteemed periodical, Smite is a “knee slappn' tune”. The alarm bells should’ve chimed in right there. I click play and am abruptly introduced to Mr Caspersen [Erlend Caspersen, former bass] and Moen, who at the time of recording were the rhythm section of Blood Red Throne. Even if I had the physical capability to slap my knee at this pace, I’d end up in a wheel chair. Moen sets an impressive tempo, whilst Caspersen and the rhythm guitarist sit very tightly in, for lack of better term, “the groove”.

I hold on tightly for the first dozen or so bars… a reprieve! The rhythm section halts and the guitarist lets his chord ring out to the universe. I expect a change of pace, this poor Moen fellow must be exhausted by now (health and fitness must be paramount in your world). I am mistaken. We’re almost immediately back into it, only now I’m introduced to Mr Hustler (that’s not me being polite with the Mr thing. It’s his actual name)… [ed note: Flemming Gluch, former vocalist] 

I cut my teeth as a musician and singer in the world of the blues. I don’t know why, it’s just where I ended up at the ripe old age of 15. I one day stumbled across the smokie, alcohol infused voice of one Mr Joe Cocker. At that point I knew what I wanted to sound like. 20 years on, a thousand cigarettes and enough whisky to fill an Olympic swimming pool later and I’ve reached my goal. “Husky” would be the adjective I’d used to describe it. Here’s where I really tip my hat. I’ve sang in more dingy bars than I can remember and after 4 hours on stage, squeezing out my raspy musings, I am spent. My voice box feels like I’ve swallowed razor blades for days on end. Although I can’t understand what he is singing about (I googled the lyrics, wow) I have the utmost respect for Mr Hustler. He is the Hulk to my Bruce Banner when it comes to gravel in the pipes! I actually can’t fathom the literal pain he would endure for his art.

I’ve been watching you…

In all seriousness, I can’t write a review. I still don’t like Metal and probably never will. I have; however, been around the music scene long enough to know this. If every genre was as brutally devout as the Metal scene, live music would be in a much better place. Whether it’s five or five thousand in the crowd you guys just get into it. The band and the crowd feed off one another like ravenous beasts. It’s a glorious bowl of energy to watch.

Whether I like your music or not is irrelevant. I like the cut of your jib and every one of you bearded, black clad, blood soaked weirdos should be proud of that. The metal scene should hold its head high for championing its music and culture like no other genre does.

 

 

 

Blood Red Throne, 2017 is currently:

Yngve "Bolt" Christiansen - vocals 

Ole Bent Madsen - bass 

Ivan Gujic - guitar 

Død - guitar 

Freddy Bolsø - drums 

Check it out